Mental Health

She Was Asking For It

“Not being assaulted is not a privilege to be earned through the judicious application of personal safety strategies. A woman should be able to walk down the street at 4 in the morning in nothing but her socks, blind drunk, without being assaulted, and I, for one, am not going to do anything to imply that she is in any way responsible for her own assault if she fails to Adequately Protect Herself. Men aren’t helpless dick-driven maniacs who can’t help raping a vulnerable woman. It disrespects EVERYONE.”-Emily Nagoski

When I was 12 I was raped by a guy in his 30’s. At the time, age 12, I didn’t realize the difference in mentality between child and adult, and naively believed that I was mentally and emotionally on par with my rapist. We met in a park while I was babysitting and he was with a group of children from a daycare. He asked for my phone number, knowing full well my age. We later met in front of my house, I was wearing a short skirt and high heels, I got in his car and he took me to his house where he instructed me to tell his roommate that I was 16, because that’s better(?)

I honestly just thought he was a cute guy that I wanted to be around, and didn’t predict him attempting to do anything physical with me, please remember that I was 12. I had no idea what kind of situation I was putting myself in. 

About two months later I was late, and scared. I told my brother I was afraid I was pregnant and unbeknownst to me, he went to the police, and also every bar in town looking to beat the motherfucker down.

I remember the police trying to get information out of me, at the time (12) I blamed myself for wearing a short skirt and high heels. I remember feeling immense guilt over the idea that someone might go to jail or prison because *I wore a short skirt, and high heels* I remember an officer telling me that, even if I were naked it still wasn’t a good enough excuse for a man to have sex with me against my will. I however, was unconvinced and went on blaming myself for years.

I cried, I said no, I tried to push him away, but I still blamed myself because of what I was wearing. I believed I was asking for it.

As an adult, I know it’s bullshit. THIS is rape culture. THIS is why I need feminism. Men have just as much ability to control their libido as women. Men do not have stronger, uncontrollable urges. Rapist’s suffer from weak minds NOT strong, overpowering dicks.

Every time a girl is sent home from school because her shirt was cut too low, or jeans too tight, her entire class is taught that a hard dick is her fault. Every time a girl was sexually harassed, assaulted, or raped, and what she was wearing, drinking, did she have a reputation, comes into consideration, we are taught that a hard dick is our fault.

It’s a sick joke to say women and girls bear the responsibility of a hard dick when we have nothing to do with the body or brain that owns and controls said apparatus. Teach boys self control, teach boys they are stronger than an urge, stop underestimating men. Men, manly men, have 100% control of their “wondering eyes” and urges. We know better, and we need to speak up for women and girls that have internalized sexism, who will be sexually harassed, assaulted, raped, and blame themselves. 

You may believe that a woman who is drunk, walking naked in the streets at 4am is asking for it… well, so did I.