Food, Funny, Nature

Blue Ribbons

society61

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♫ It’s the most wonderful time of the year ♫ Time for the Nez Perce County Fair. Time for all the hard work and attention my fiancé gives the garden to pay off in ribbons of three. Blue *1st place Red * 2nd place and White *3rd place. This is the special time of year when my fiancé starts referring to his garden produce as “Blue Ribbon Material.”

The county fair is just a fun, frivolous occasion for the average civilian to meander through aisles of canned jams and carnival rides. But for participants it’s a whole other ball game. In it to win it. Every year fiancé starts preparing. “Are these green beans long enough?” The eggplant purple enough, the butternut squash shapely, should I include the zucchini flower? Every year fiance declares that he’s ready and willing to write a strongly worded letter to the judges if he doesn’t get those blue ribbons. But he’s never disappointed and wins several blue ribbons, and he’s a happy man for days. But there is one minor thing that dissatisfies us. And out of secret spite it makes me want to go out and buy the average, everyday, tasteless tomato from a grocery store and enter them into the fair. I bet 100 blue ribbons they would win best in show because the judges do not take into account the variety of tomatoes. There should be a separate class for each tomato and they should be judged by their class. Romas, Big Boys, Early Girl etc. because every damned year fiancé’s Beef Steak’s get 3rd place! The most flavorful, lovely delicious tomato of them all gets a white ribbon!

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The only tomatoes that ever get blue ribbons are the perfectly round average looking, buy from any grocery store tomato. This is definitely a first world problem, yes don’t second guess the things in which I place importance in having concern. But know that as long as I’m living in this privileged society sometimes I am going to stoop to getting red in the face over minuscule tragedies. And the tragedy is this: uneducated county fair judges. I think, perhaps, a strongly worded letter is in order and I’m going to use my finest paper.

*Disclaimer: all anger expressed in this post was dramatized, no disgruntled letters will be written.

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